that famous blogger

Have u ever secretly wished to be that famous blogger? I did. haha

Not so much about having thousands of subscribers...but I wanted people to... give a damn on what I write. hehe (as if it's any good).

Although I know I'm not the best writer, I thought I could write something that people (atleast the ones that I know) will read. Something that will ignite their interest...or something that they will appreciate...and maybe even learn a thing or two...

But nah, it never happened. And maybe never will (c'mon Ysa, where's the confidence?) Like what I said, I'm not that good and besides, I'm too lazy to take it seriously. So, so much for my small-time dream.

You know what? just to share, at one point I actually applied for a job as a Web Content writer at some American company in Ortigas. I actually almost got in, but ended up turning it down. At first, my thoughts were "For the love of writing, why not try it? It'll be definitely cool to just write and get paid for it right? "

As it turned out, it was not that easy. haha. Gosh, I'm such a quitter. And I hate myself for it. HAHA. But wait, hear me out, they asked me to write about stuff that I don't like. Childish much? I didn't want to write crap about people and things that I don't give a damn about. =)

There I go again with my stubborn self. But honestly, it was not that easy. To Come up with 500 words about a certain not even A-list hollywood celebrity and it should contain such and such number of keywords. It's sorta boring. I enjoyed the reading/research part better than the writing. And that's exactly the feeling that I didn't want to have in a job. Boredom =(

Of course, writing for the net is different from writing for, say newspaper or magazine.You get that feeling of, who cares? it's just the internet. wakaka. And, I since I was just starting, I would be such a brat if I refuse to follow. 'Nuff said, I didn't push through with it. It just didn't feel right at that time. I'd rather talk, and talk, and talk more if that's what I gotta do... Besides, never a dull moment with my Aussie mates =)

*Okay, I was really side-trailed*

Going back to my topic, I was thinking what should I blog about that would make people read my blog and actually care about the sh** that I put here... Hmmm... Perhaps the music that I listen to... but it's mostly old, boring rock tunes, gotta be something more current. J-Rock? that would have a market. Kpop? that's really 'in' right now. Throw in a bunch of cute pictures and my blog would definitely be a hit. Pinoy Rap? That's really making a wave right now, upload some videos and it would be really fun. And I'd be helping some friends promote =)

Why not right? This blogspot should be an extension of my personality and self-expression. Since I don't get money from this, it's just plain hobby. Express yourself? Kinda like my tag up there. Look up, right under the blog title. You are what you read. You are what you write.

So yeah, hopefully, I find the time and the energy to sort of, put more effort into my blogs. And not just write some random sh** that comes out of my head. Of course there will still be those cheesy blogs about my favorite topic, which is Love by the way. Only that next time, I hope I'm not, again, broken-hearted by some two-timing bas**rd and a back-stabbing bi***, or by some a**hole that I dated. =) I'll write something more cheerful.

To conclude this, I've already given up that small-time dream of mine to be a famous blogger. I can never be Perez Hilton. haha. Who's wants to be like him anyway? Besides I'm not gay or lesbian, there's nothing interesting about me. HAHA. Anywho, I'll just be the infamous one. Kidding.

To write something that my friends would have fun reading is enough for me. I would appreciate a comment or two even if it says "you just wasted 15 mins of my time." Ultimately, I'll try not to be a selfish writer. Besides, I write not only for my eyes. Why the hell will I post it on the net for? Damn right!

2 Years Ago...

2 years ago...

I just could not sleep today. It's like the worst case of Insomnia for me... 6 o'clock in the morning and I'm still wide awake. I knew I had to do something, but what? I had for the nth time, finished reading the HP series that I have with me (other books are still w/ borrowers, w/c reminds me: "Guys please return my books already!" LOL).

So what I did, I opened my Starbucks journals I have not opened for ages that I had filled w/ nonsense-and-semi-sensible

stuff. I looked at my 2008 journal, and I read through it. I stopped at 18 May 2008. Exact same date as today, only 2 years ago.

I read my journal entry and it was funny but heart-breaking at the same time. Hmm... It read:

" I couldn't eat, my gosh! I didn't go to our training. I thought I'll be brought to the hospital again. Good thing I realized it was so stupid to end my life just bcoz of this."

At first I gave a forced laugh. Though I know completely that there was nothing funny about it. For I know what exactly it meant. That, was probably one of the most difficult times in my life. For on that day, I had discovered a secret. Secret was it really? For me it was, but a lot of people already know. Except for me, I guess. It's bad enough that I was cheated at. But more so, I felt betrayed by everyone.

But this was an old issue, so old it did not have he same effect on me. (Good thing)

And then I thought "Why do memories such as these had to revisit our now peaceful existence?" The very scenario that I was trying to forget was sort of being shoved onto my face. All I could ask is "Why?"

I maybe wrong, but I thought... I just had to make a peaceful goodbye with the past. I thought I had already. But it was like a little voice in my head asking me "Oh, Ysa are you sure you have?" and another voice will say " I'm sure I have, a long time ago. I'm totally fine now, am I not?"

But it's a question only me and no one else could answer. I did not dare answer that question. Instead, I prayed. For there is nothing else to do but to pray.


***I'm playing music from Itunes as I write this, and the song shifted to 'Into the West' by Annie Lennox from the LOTR OST... haha. Great one Annie, like I really need that right now! LOL...Anyway, moving on...***


As I read on my 2008 journal... the entries got more interesting...

"I had offered devotional prayers since that night, every 10 o'clock at night..."

26 May 2008 (what a coincidence )
"I was so down this day and I hardly ate anything. I haven't been reporting to the office. I didn't eat dinner, instead I went upstairs to my bedroom and my mom followed me. It was an intervention." - My mom did not go to work the next day just to make sure I eat =(

The entries became better though after that horrific day. Who knows what could have happened to me...Gives me chills up to now. I have proven though that after your lowest point, there was just no other way but up! And as a result, I became a happier and ,if possible, a crazier me! LOL.

It was June 2008 and I "Went to Boracay w/ my high school friends"... A couple of other " Girl's night outs" and trips... My life was back on track. Well, pretty much. At least crying nights were over,sort of.

The journal entry that I saw that gave a BIG smile to my face happened exactly 2 months after 18 May.

So it was now 18 July... "I got a call from London," and " lasted for almost 2 hours." And other lines that I would not dare share. HAHA. And my life pretty much changed after that. The hurt that I was feeling was somehow eased, until it did not hurt anymore. LOL

Going back to present time, 18 May 2010... Well, it past 12 so it's technically 19 May.


Now I'm sort of in a similar situation that I was in 2 years ago. And confused as I am right now, with so much going on around me... I think I know exactly what to do. It had worked for me before and I have no doubts it will work again =)


***

P.S. To anyone who will be so unfortunate to read this, I hope you'll be able to reflect somehow. I know girls would have had pretty similar cases of bad experience such as mine. Feel free to comment. Good day to you all!

Sorry Blogger

Oh no, I really felt bad realizing how much I've abandoned this site. huhu. I use to really LOVE my blogspot. Though only a handful of people reads it, maybe hardly even a handful. Just like my Multiply account, it's hardly been updated. Dammit Facebok! LOL. Kidding, I love FB. I so loved it I completely forgot about my Friendster page.

Will try my best to fulfill online obligations, I missed blogging!

Also add me on Twittter

Legends of the Fall

Published on Facebook: Tuesday, February 2, 2010 at 1:55 am

Alfred takes letter from Sussanah and reads:


Dear Sussanah,

All we had is dead. As I am Dead. Marry Another.


- Tristan

***

Alfred (brother): I dunno what to say... Tristan's always been a little wild...
And you love him for that...

Sussanah: Do I? (looks at Alfred who looks back)


Yeah, I suppose I do.

In some sort of trance

Published on Facebook: Saturday, January 23, 2010 at 3:19 am

This is supposed to be my year. Year of the Tiger. I gotta start it right. Atleast try to.

Try to think positive, and just believe that everything is going to be alright... Although it doesn't seem to be at this point... Hmmm...

And how depressing is it that every time i thought of blogging is when I'm feeling sad... I guess for the same reason why more love songs are on a sad note... Bittersweet.

Hey Ysa , why not try to right something cheerful next time?

I guess when life seems to be A-okay, I get too busy living it and not have time to actually write about it... tsktsk... And whenever I feel down...I'm like.. I NEED to blog... =)

I'm trying hard to alter my mood and listen to some Trance...haha... the type of music that I was kind of avoiding...not that I don't appreciate CLUB music, I'm just not the partying type, I guess. But it sounds so soothing now... PARTY mode! in my room... yey! FUN. Not.

Kinda makes you forget your worries...and be in a kind of TRANCE. Tsk.

Anyway, let's get to it...So much for my an intro...

This is unbelievable... So unbelievable it's almost funny. HAHA. I had to laugh about it, or else...

All I can ask is why. WHY? Why the hell? But the answer is not mine to give. And also not for me to find out.

If a person decides to take certain path, you can't possibly ask them to stop and go back from where they came from. Cause that will take them no where. You just hope that, somehow, at some point, they will still get to where they should go. Maybe they just had to take a different route in getting there... Few bumps... But hopefully they will not lose their way.

But at the same time, you also choose a different path to take. And before you know it, you have drifted apart. Not certain if your paths will still cross someday.

I'm no crybaby no more. I guess I've toughened up. Good on me.


It's not clear to me if I don't cry because I don't care. Or that I care so much that i just couldn't possibly cry. Cause that would be selfish of me. And I'm not selfish.

I guess sometimes there are tears in the heart that don't reach the eyes.

What's more painful is, If you never get to tell the person how you really feel... Cause you were holding back... And maybe will never get the chance...

Funny right?

Not really.